Saturday, August 1, 2009

Fecal excitement.

This is a true situation that happened to me at work this week. Some of the names may have been altered to protect identities:
(I am standing at the front intake window of the pharmacy typing away at some scripts for an eye surgery patient. "Mr. Customer" walks up to my counter.)
Mr. Customer: (Leans close to me with a smirk on his face) "Um...could you please call your environmental services department? Someone pooped in the floor."
Me: (Not taken aback at all as my previous job was at a psych hospital) "Oh sure, did you see this in the men's bathroom?"
Mr. Customer: (said with a giggle and more smirking) "Uh is in the hallway!"
Me: ( I am totally flabbergasted as to how someone could have possibly relieved themselves out in the hallway.) "Uh...ok. Thanks for telling me."

Now the story gets better. I am unaware of what the number is to Environmental services, so I do what I think is the best option...I tell Ron. Now for those of you who do not know Ron...I am sorry for you. I can't explain him in a non-wordy post such as this but I will tell you he has a story for every situation and a smart comment for every person. He also knows EVERYONE who works in the hospital. The pharmacy is in uproarious laughing fits at this point and people are saying, "How did this happen?" and " Did the person pull down their pants in the hallway or let it run down their leg?" (sorry for that one)
Ron calls up environmental services and the conversation went something like this:
Ron: "Uh yes, my co-worker just informed me that someone has pooped in the hall out here by the discharge pharmacy. Could you please come up here and clean it up?"
(Pause for time where environmental services says something into the phone)
Ron: "Um, let me check...(places hand over voice part of the phone) ABBIE, what color was the poop in the hallway?"
Me: (crying from laughter) "Ron, I have no idea. I never saw the poop, someone just told me about it."
Ron: (to ES) "Um she doesn't know the color. (Pause for ES to say something) Um...let me check. (places hand over receiver again) "Abbie, where is the poop in the hallway?"
Me: "Ron, I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER SAW IT. I think it is somewhere out by the bathroom/vending machine/elevator area."
Ron: (to ES) "Apparently it is by the bathroom/vending/elevator area. Apparently it is a long line of poop."
At this point I am dying. I have not laughed so hard at work in a LONG time. Ron proceeded to pretend he was still talking to ES and ask me the consistency and how much there was. At this point I had to walk away to compose myself. Sometimes it's the little things in people pooping in the hallway...that make my day!