Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Wow, it's been awhile! I have been REALLY busy these last two monthes or so. I am now working two jobs!! ME??? WORKING TWO JOBS??? How am I supposed to get my 8 hours of sleep that I have ALWAYS gotten? Well, let me tell you that it is not happening. My weekends are spent playing catch up. It is nice though. I have been able to pay off a good chunk of debt and with the exception of my car should be pretty much debt free by Dec. That feels nice! I just have to keep plugging away. I do feel bad though, as I am not able to get on here and read your blogs very often. I miss that!
So, a few weeks ago at church, my pastor was talking about our faith and how it has gotten too comfortable. He said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. He said something to the effect of if the "glory days" of your faith were 10 years ago, 5 years ago....this is wrong. THAT IS SO ME! All of the times I think about when my faith was so strong and I felt so close to God, those days were back in highschool. Those days were when I was fully focused on Him and He encompassed every part of my life. I have been slowly trying to get back to that but I think it is not happening to the degree that it needs to.
I am going to be completely vulnerable right now with you. I am feeling sad about turning 27. My life is NOWHERE near where I thought it would be at this point. I know that has been a theme to this blog since the day it started and I can't be too hard on myself because I have been working towards the goals I have but it is taking too long. Sometimes I think it is important to evaluate why things aren't happening. I have never been one of those people to say "woah is me...my life sucks and I am just going to mope about it!". The problem is, I feel a little stuck. I feel trapped by my age and all that it entails. I know, 27 is not that old. But it is for where I am at. I am single, working in a job I really do enjoy but am not proud to do. I do have plans to pursue school as soon as I get my debt paid off. That is REALLY soon. I know what I want to be when I grow up :) but there are still so many areas of uncertainty. I have told myself my whole life that He is in control and He is working. I do believe this but I also believe that I have a responsibility to go and move. To listen and to focus. I feel like when things aren't happening in life, that is the case for a reason and you may need to reevaluate some of the decisions that you are making.
This being said, I came across a book I think it going to change my life. I am only a third of the way into it (no time to read) and already have been challenged immensly. I do believe that my dreams of a cookie cutter life have overshadowed the plans that He has for me. I think so many times in life we lose focus on who Jesus is and how He really calls us to live. I see how the "American Dream" has affected how I live out my faith. I am so exhausted from pursuing that life. I am excited to start doing things a bit differently. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is feeling a little distant in their faith. It is an easy read and think there are some very practical ideas as well as some very challenging ones that can come about. I will try to keep you posted on how it is affecting me. Can't wait to see what's next!